I said I hate retail. I said it a lot. What I meant was I loathe the woman with smeared lipstick and matching nail polish who snaps nastily,
“NO, you are just not listening. That was a half-caf DOPPIO espresso machiatto.”
-under breath expletive-
Enter the 15 going on 30 year old who spends more on a blended heart attack everyday than most use for lunch during the week. And, if the whip isn’t overflowing the quarter-sized straw hole, that sweet little painted face will distort beyond recognition and from pursed lips a high-pitched, “Um, excuse me mam, what’s this all about?”
MAM? MAM! My tongue turns to razors, but I take a deep breath, smile through bleeding lips….then, I am thankful. Thankful that the whipped cream will without doubt, find permanent residence on her still developing thighs.
Oh, thank you to those who derive joy from making the little blonde behind the counter grind her teeth as if bearing down during a gynecological exam.
Thank you. I am no longer blonde.
“No, I said no more than a thimble full of soy, one pump of mocha, chai latte. Mind you, the soy is no hotter than 140 degrees. Oh, and uh, yeah, got that, yeah, don’t forget the light whipped cream.” Now I reply, “Alright, that will be $5.00.” To this, she predictably replies, “But they never charge me for the soy, or for the mocha. Its only one pump.”
How do you argue with logic like that?
“Its just a job.”
“They are only yelling at the apron.”
“Smile, let the boys flirt with you=better tips.”
-under breath expletive-
Ugg
Now, when I have cut twenty tiny bleeding holes in my cheeks because of the unwavering politeness and respect that is bestowed upon that which is the lowly barista (for the massively useless State mandated minimum wage) a woman enters the store. Quietly. She orders a cup of coffee, “straight up”. She picks up a small box of dark chocolate covered espresso beans. Her eyes are soft and it makes my jaws relax a little. Engaged in small talks of weather and lap dogs, she offers the package to me. I suppose she will never know that she restored my faith in humanity, at least for the morning.
